#[ now just one more left but i'm waiting for payment 8) ]

[despairforme]

googling: how old leftovers bad to eat

[sirfrogsworth]

Froggie's (Almost) Very Productive Day

I try to fit as many out-and-about chores as possible into a single day so I only have one set of post-exertional malaise consequences instead of consequences after each day of doing a thing. So any time I decide to drive, I try to find several tasks to accomplish all at once.

My first stop was the Family Services Division in the hopes of getting some help with grocery bills. I am making ends meet, but it seems to be getting harder each month. And maybe I could have skipped my trip to Florida and saved that money, but if I don't do something drastic for my mental health, I fear this first holiday season without a parent could send me into the darkness.

I needed to do an interview to finish applying for SNAP. I wanted to do a phone interview, but the next appointment was in January. So I went to social services where they allow walk-in appointments. I waited in a tiny plastic chair for several hours until they called my name. She yelled out "Benjamin" because when most people see "Grelle" they aren't really sure how to say it. (Rhymes with belly.)

She started my interview and it was going swimmingly at first. But then she started asking questions about the house and my inheritance and my trust. I had no idea what to tell her. It feels like a mistake now, but I have had pretty much no involvement in that process. I have no idea how it works. And I started to panic because she was acting like I was committing fraud or something by not mentioning the trust. But the entire point of the trust was to protect my benefits. Nothing is mine. I own nothing. I have no access. But I had no idea how to explain that.

Maybe my lawyer can help me apply, but I did not want them investigating everything and screwing things up before we even have the estate through probate. We specifically hired a lawyer and went through this convoluted process to make sure everything was on the up and up. But she really made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And that made me panic, which probably made me look even more guilty of something. So I just canceled everything and left.

After a few hours in a crowded government office, I decided to head to a different crowded government office.

I know I didn't need it until 2025, but I decided to go ahead and get my Real ID thingie before my first flight. I was kind of hoping they'd retake my picture because my current driver's license is... well...

And I'm so glad they took my big terrible picture and made it into a smaller, more terrible picture.

People complain about the DMV, but the one near me runs like a machine. It was filled with people and I still only had a 10 minute wait time.

I'm starting to wonder if all of those 80s comedians who were all, "What's the deal with the DMV?" were exaggerating.

Good stuff, Jerry.

I head up to the counter and ask for a Real ID. She asks for two pieces of mail and my birth certificate.

And this disappointed me a little bit.

I did my research. I went to the Real ID website and used their interactive guide to figure out exactly which documents I would need. They gave me this entire checklist and I printed it out and went through all my records and mail trying to find everything.

I had to wait a week for my internet bill to come because it's the only thing I forgot to change to paperless. This took a lot of effort and I was ready to be validated for being so prepared.

And she asks for two pieces of mail.

Any mail.

So I was off to get new tires.

Driving around on 8 year old bald tires was giving me anxiety. I didn't have the money for new tires, but I remember the guy saying they had financing. Recently several of my past debts went past the statute of limitations, and so my credit score lifted itself out of the pits of "poor" and into the realm of "fair." So I decided to take a chance and apply for a Discount Tire credit card. It's a 6 month payment plan with no interest, so that didn't feel as predatory as all the credit card offers I get in the mail with 8000% interest.

We started going through the approval process and I was answering all of the questions and then I saw the name of the bank offering the credit. It was the same bank that tried to sue me and also the bank that can longer collect due to the statute. I was worried they put me on some sort of list and would deny me. But, to my surprise, they approved me instantly. And wouldn't you know it, they gave me almost exactly the amount needed for a new set of tires.

I'm hoping we'll be doing another auction of the house stuff soon, so I plan to pay off the card and then cancel it, but this was the only solution I could come up with to drive safely until then.

I was having a weird day where photos of crusty rich wide dudes followed me everywhere I went. Here is my good ol' boy governor at the entrance to social services.

And at the tire place, I noticed this fella...

Why does every rich CEO think they are a font of wisdom capable of creating compelling quotes?

Does he think no one has ever said "work hard" and "have fun"? And after he said this was he like...

"That's gold, put that in *every* store."

"Oh, and use that picture of me where it looks like a handsome gal just grabbed my undercarriage."

He probably thinks, "Well, no one has put these specific generic platitudes together into a single mega-platitude. I am a genius."

"Be honest, work hard, have fun, be grateful, pay it forward" sounds like he had a bunch of motivational posters on his wall and started reading them all at once.

Like, every line could have a picture of an eagle above it.

In any case, the guy at the tire store, Dakota, was really nice. He made the experience very low anxiety. And he really liked my Thor's Hammer keychain with built in fidget spinner.

He went around showing it to all his coworkers. "Look, it even spins!" And they were like, "Dude, where did you get that??" And I was like, "Amazon." Now I'm just imagining 10 dudes at a tire store all fidgeting their hammers.

As nice as he was, Dakota was still a salesman and had a job to do. He gave me two tire options and tried to upsell me. The cheapest tires had a "1" rating for winter. He said they get "super hard" in the cold... I tried not to giggle. But I explained I drive about twice a month and mostly to the grocery store. If it is a bad winter day, I'll just wait or get delivery. He understood and set me up with the cheaper tires.

He then checked out my car and noticed my tire pressure sensors were dying. I keep getting a warning light on my dash. Apparently they all have tiny batteries in them that die after 7 years. And you can't just replace the batteries so you have to install brand new sensors.

And this is where my social anxiety got me into trouble.

I don't actually need these sensors. They are usually inaccurate. I prefer to test my tires with an actual gauge. But I got so caught up in his sales pitch that I agreed to replace them... at $60 each. For that I could have gotten the fancier tires. I really don't care if an orange light shows up on my dash. And I looked up the price online and a pack of 4 is $30. Though that is without installation.

But still... I wasn't thinking and he was so nice that I was just like, "I want to please Dakota. Saying no might make Dakota sad." Dakota's job is selling me but that doesn't mean I have to buy anything. He would live if I had said "no thanks."

To make my blunder more blunderous, when they finished the tires he asked for my key fob. And it decided that was the time for the battery to die. And in order to reset the system for the new tire pressure sensors, you have to press two buttons on the fob for 7 seconds. Thankfully I had a spare fob at home, but if I want my fancy new $240 sensors to work, I have to return to Dakota and have him initialize them.

I really hope these are the Cadillac of sensors.

Or, like, the ones they use on Cadillacs?

They better be accurate, is what I'm saying.

I do feel safer with new tires. So I am glad I did that. And I gave them a good obligatory kick and felt the tread. They seem nice enough even if they get boners in the winter. It's crazy how bald my other tires were in comparison. Like, I can fit half my finger down into the tread on the new ones—which did not get them super hard.

The way I drive, I probably won't wear them down. They'll probably start to rot before I do.

Before I do, meaning before I wear them down.

Not before I rot.

I am not in a rotting competition with my tires.

I was then off to Sam's. I decided all of my hard work accomplishing 2 out of 3 goals deserved some sushi. So I grabbed some California Rolls and headed home. On my way out, a Hummer and a Porsche nearly collided in the parking lot. And they sort of got stuck facing each other. One of them needed to back up and they both signaled at each other like "You back up, I'm not backing up." And it was just this weird standoff between the two douchiest looking cars you could imagine.

I mean, you have to be a douche to drive a Hummer.

I still remember the mystery Hummer dialysis patient from when my dad was going 3 time per week. We could never figure out who owned the Hummer, but we knew it was not the underpaid nurses and techs. So it had to be one of the patients. And none of them seemed the type. We never solved that mystery.

That hummer started off a delightful safety yellow. (Elon would cry.)

They decided this wasn't extra enough... so they did this...

Katrina and I could never decide... are these cow spots or the world's least effective camoflauge?

There was another patient who drove this old beater...

And I loved seeing this car because we had the same one when I was a little kid. I'm afraid the aesthetics of the 1980s Caprice Classic did not stand the test of time, but it had great sentimental appeal for me.

But this maroon beast that squeaked and sputtered its way from here to there belonged to a very sweet older gentleman. Sometimes he and my dad would be dialysis buddies—sitting next to each other in the recliners. And the worst thing about dialysis was the boredom. All you have to do is watch broadcast TV with 4 channels.

All of the TVs require headphones. They give you your own set of super cheap headphones in the dialysis welcome bag. They were very uncomfortable so I ordered my dad better ones with cushioned ear cups.

His dialysis buddy noticed them and thought they looked nice. And then he revealed that his free headphones broke and he didn't know how to get new ones. He had been watching TV with no sound for weeks. So, I bought another pair with the soft ear cups and my dad gave them to his friend. And it just made me happy imagining the two of them watching The Price is Right in matching headphones.

I do have to make fun of this sweet old man a little bit. When I walked passed his car I noticed he implemented the world's most effective anti-theft device ever created.

That's right... The Club™.

If someone decides they have to have a 40 year old car with an engine that sounds like a dying hyena and a hubcap missing... they are out of luck.

But hey, you gotta protect what is important to you. And if I needed a getaway car and my choices were between his beater and the Cow Hummer, I'd take his ride for sure.

Well, I'd try... and then get arrested because The Club™ is undefeatable.

Do NOT look that up on YouTube. It's 100% true. (And the Lock Picking Lawyer doesn't count due to him being able to break into Fort Knox with a paperclip and then doing it again to make sure it isn't a fluke.)

The dialysis center is in the same complex as my local Tolerable Schnucks and I still see that maroon boat of a car every once in a while. I always smile whenever it is there because it lets me know he is hanging in there and hopefully still has sound for his TV.

Wow, I went off on a mega-tangent.

I didn't even finish talking about my day. Where was I? Oh, the douche standoff finally ended. The Porsche Douche capitulated and backed up. Probably due to the fact the Hummer Douche has 0 visibility behind him.

When I got home I started devouring my sushi. I finally heard back from my lawyer. He submitted the last of the evidence for my appeal. And I was finally able to confirm he got the records of my ECT treatments from 20 years ago. I worked so hard to get those. At first, they forgot to send all records before 2011. I had to call back and figure that out. They shipped them and they didn't arrive until a week before we had to file. Everything was so last minute and my anxiety has been... palpable. It felt like when I did my science fair project on Sunday night.

He's hoping to get a decision at the beginning of next year. He warned me that these appeals are usually rejected. And that the most effective method of approval was a hearing in front of an administrative law judge. But that could be delayed by up to a year. So I might need to figure out how to survive until 2025. As long as my brother does what he is legally required to do, I should be okay. But counting on that also gives me palpable anxiety.

And that was my day.

Every time I go out is always an adventure.

But remember...

BE NICE. EAT YOUR VEGGIES. PET CUTE DOGS. DREAM BIG. KEEP YOUR TIRES WARM... FOR REASONS. 5 LIFE LESSONS -Froggie, Mildly Famous Internet Person

[gothmessi]

EVIDENCE

you can see they both have one side of their face who has been affected, my grandpa had a stroke and only has vision in one eye, the one he can open the most, he's paralyzed in one side of the body and can't walk or do his necesites without help, that's why I'm there, I clean after him, help him take some steps, wash his hands and face, my uncle comes home sometimes to bathe him. and my grandma has eyesight problems as well, she has one side of her face that has been affected for bad meds that she took when she couldn't afford new ones, I help her walk and cook, she has to feed 3 young girls who live with them because their father left them (I won't post their faces since they are underage), so I wash their clothes and try to keep them in good shape but we can't afford some stuff, the government gifts us 8 liters of milk every month and since they are both older than 65 the government also gives them money than can barely cover electricity and running water, sometimes they get free meds, sometimes they don't, ofc we can't afford physiotherapy for any of them but they need it very badly.

yes it's true I used the donation money to that wheelchair you see folded there, it was 2,600 mxn bc we can't afford a new one, on the table you can see lotions that they need, they were also bought with the donation money. and that's where my grandma of 81 years sleeps, my grandpa sleeps in the bed because he needs more space to move and that chair you see is where I sleep there when I take care of them, you can even see my blankets, I'm always waiting for something to happen, I wake up every hour to see if they need to go to the bathroom or take water.

that´s the bathroom, as you can see we only have 3 toilet paper, some shampoo and toothpaste, that's all they have until next month. I don't want to post their kitchen cause they have so many pots but so little food, all they have is rice, beans, some cereal and tortillas.

here is my bank account, I have 9 mxn to my name and I have the movements when I retired the 2,600 mxn to buy the wheelchair, they didn't gave us a receipt because we bought it from the son of an old woman who passed away in the neighborhood. it also shows the last movement, 5 dollars I received from a donation on paypal, I have received another 40 dollars but they won't show on my account at least for another 4-5 days.

and yes I used the donation money for college, here are the receipts, I covered some information for my own safety, you can see how the amounts are the same because that was paid, I got the payment receipt on august 14th, that covers august and september. the rest of the donation money was used to buy food and bus tickets in those two months, I really appreciate everyone who donated cause you all kept me alive for more than 2 months.

and this is why I keep asking for help, because I don't want my grandpa to be sad, hungry or in pain in his last days, that´s why I can't get a job and G-d knows I want one and need one, I don't want them to die alone, I´m a very good worker, I cleaned houses, sold clothes on the street, cleaned the poop of cows, cleaned stables, washed the clothes of other people, worked in construction, I'll do anything, clean anything, just can't right now and I have to pay my college tuition. they keep sending me emails about giving me a last chance at paying $1840 for january and also the same amount for february, etc. so yeah I think this is about it, ofc I don't want people to think I'm a scam cause I really need the help and I feel ashamed to ask for help but I feel like I won't make it out alone. thank you for reading, might delete some pics cause I also feel weird about posting my grandparents, their house and my uni things but I understand if some people need to see that to believe me and donate.

[sillyguy99]

* don't look now, but i lost my shoe.

(Undertale Sans x Reader)

Chapter One: * what's with these homies, dissin' my girl?

[Index | Next]

Notice:

(This story is nearly 5 years old, and though it doesn't show my best work, I decided to post it, just because I stopped it at chapter 18, when there were only 2 more chapters left to finish it. So... I'm gonna give it another shot – making minor edits to make the plot less dramatic and angsty, lol.)

(***Also, since Tumblr has a more limited format: italic texts are from you, the reader, and bold texts are from others.)

• • • • •

You've changed.

The best thing your boss did was to give you that warning.

You shouldn't keep working for the law if you're just gonna be a traitor.

How am I a traitor?

You work 9 to 5, sometimes 8 to 6, for the benefit of monsters.

Now, all of a sudden, our sex life goes down the drain.

I haven't slept with you since you got that promotion, and that was two whole months ago.

I'm supposed to be your husband, but you've left me in the dry.

I'm tired.

And I refuse to sleep with someone who won't support me in my new job.

Or should I remind you said I wasn't a real detective?

That my degree's 'worth shit', simply because of the field I'm working in these days?

               The rest is an ongoing, fruitless conversation you can't bother yourself with.

               Through reading those texts for what has to be the twentieth time today, you sigh, hiccup, and close your eyes tight, lifting your face slightly to avoid letting tears fall. 

               Barely two hours are left until he comes home to drop off your child, and the mere thought that you have to sleep with him five hours after that makes your stomach twist and churn. You don't want to imagine him naked: panting, heavy, and on top of you again, doing whatever he pleases with little regards to your own limits. Nausea takes over – violent, making you open your eyes and suppress a gag.

               You really, really don't want anything to do with him anymore.

               Yet, he insists you should remain married until your child reaches their eighteenth birthday.

               “At least wait until they're grown up,” he said. “Cuz what's six more years? Be honest with me.” Then, he chuckled. “As ugly as you frown when you see me, I doubt you hate me that much.”

               That had been a year ago.

               Would you really have to wait five more years until your freedom?

               The thought sends chills down your spine.

               While he was a good father, that adjective didn't really fit next to husband. 

               At the beginning of your marriage, yes – he was the best spouse you could ask for.

               Now?

               You'd rather eat drywall than have to spend a single second near him – without your child around, of course.

               With your newest agreement, it felt more as if your husband were a client, his payment being not making your life hell, and your service what he claimed was something a wife should be willing to give twenty-four seven.

               You shake your head and search for a distraction amongst the people surrounding the bar, aware you can only end up worse if you continue to dwell on the subject. The air presses down on you hot and heavy, a feeling that only increases the more time you stay seated without doing anything for your growing aches. Your sole companion is your mind when you realize you're too overcome with emotions to talk to someone without scaring them off. Chatter drowns out coherent thinking and sensory overload begins to show by how difficult breathing becomes. Seeking an escape route, you hold the bartender back with a raised hand and an 'excuse me'. Then, you ask him for some bottled water – the only kind he could touch willingly. Small embers flutter around the air as he turns around, leaving you alone with burning cheeks and a pounding headache. 

               Groaning, you pinch the bridge of your nose and blink through your blurry vision. Then, you adjust your glasses – despite knowing the excess shots have pretty much screwed you over already. The hour marked on your phone surfaces a sigh. How fast time seems to be going makes you notice you currently only have around an hour left before your husband arrives with your child. They would be staying with you while he went off to work, and the least you wanted was to look washed up for his arrival.

               "need somethin' else, pal?"

               You jolt at the new voice, deep and hearty.

               Reluctantly, you cast your gaze up to see a skeleton monster standing behind the counter, now glossy with polish. His face is tough to make out with the blurriness, yet you can tell he's looking at you. From the way he stands behind the counter and the stuffy look his suit gives off with its pristine and exaggerated formality, you figure he's a new employee. His newbie appearance doesn't erase the warm and welcoming aura most bartenders appear to carry by default, however. Instead, it makes his smile and words more genuine in his approach.

               It takes you a while to respond aside from shaking your head – mind hazy and disoriented. You thank him and sweep the water bottle off the counter, then turn the lid open, breathe in deep, and take a series of long, greedy gulps. Finally, you set it back down, more than half of it already gone.

               One more screw up, and you were out of your job at the law department for good.

               It doesn't help that you're currently hanging out at a place strictly and utterly forbidden by your boss: a hole-in-the-wall bar and grill establishment open to all, kept family-friendly during the day and becoming more daring during the night. It has been long since you ever drank alcohol of any sort, and it's beginning to show. You can hardly sit without tumbling pitifully to the side.

               “hey.”

               You're snapped back toward reality through the feeling of someone resting their arms over the counter, facing you and waiting for your return. 

               You frown and look up from the water bottle to see the same skeleton – his previous stuffy appearance appearing more natural now that he's taken off his tie and left two of the shirt's buttons unfastened.

               "i’m no expert on humans, but you look like you could use someone to talk to."

               You feel hazy again.

               And whether due to the drinks or the heat, you're not too certain of.

               But – right now – you're positive about one thing. 

               “U- Um…”

               As you wipe a tear off your cheek and burst out half a sob and half a laugh, you realize you really could use someone to talk to.

               “Thank you.”

[wannaeatramyeon]

More Gun + Goo Shenanigans

Credit Card

The first message came through at 8am.

Accompanied with 'oops, forgot mine. using yours. hope you don't mind 🥺🫰 '

And usually Gun would mind. He would mind a whole fucking lot. But when you're in a junkyard moulding your masterpiece, having left most of your usual everyday carry at home. Well. You have bigger fish to fry. Or a smaller Daniel Park to cook.

Besides, it's probably just an energy drink anyway if the amount and the blonde's habits are anything to go buy. Gun can let it slide just for today, that for some reason Goo has desided to forgo any contactless payment and use Gun's card. Whatever.

And then the next messages from his bank continue to come through.

8:32am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

8:56am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

9:17am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

9:25am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

9:30am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

9:33am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

9:34am: Coffee shop - 8000 won

Ok. That's enough.

Gun angrily dials Goo. Seriously. "What the fu-"

"Sup man!" Goo sounds completely manic and shrill. Likely about to buzz out of his head.

"Did you just pound 7 coffees and an energy drink?"

"7 doubles and an energy drink," the voice on the other end corrects.

"I'm cancelling my card."

"No wait-"

Family friendly

"What you crying for kid? Never seen someone so handsome before?" Goo flashes his most winning smile. The one where it's all teeth and maybe a touch feral.

Understandably, the kid, probably no older than 8, wails even louder.

What. the. fuck.

That's what you get for trying to be family friend huh. Goo starts scowling at her, now inconsolable with fear.

Honestly. How dare she take one look at his face and burst out into tears.

Where the fuck are her parents.

Gun would have intervened; they have places to be, things to do. If only the whole situation wasn't so entertaining.

Especially as he now looks over and finds his partner in a bizarre stand-off where Goo's face darkens the more the kid cries, and the kid cries the more terrifying Goo's face becomes.

"This lil motherfucker-" Wait. A lightbulb goes off in Goo's head and he forces all the cheer he can into his voice. "Kid, come look at this!"

She looks up just in time to see Goo whipping the sunglasses from Gun.

Her daddy has warned her about this. The red scar. The eyes. Pitch black. DEMON.

She runs off screaming and flailing as Goo cackles.

Hospital

"Why is it when something happens, it's always you two."

"Just want to see your pretty face again, cutie!"

The elderly nurse sighs. She's experienced far too much, is too weather beaten, for Goo Kim's flowery words to have any effect on her.

Completing her last rounds before her shift finishes, she just wants to finish and then go. Have a bath. Lie in bed. Lo and behold, she has these two idiots appearing once more in the private wing.

Hmm. It had been a few weeks since she last saw them.

She rifles through the clipboard, checking the doctor's notes. "So what are you in for?"

"Fighting." Gun, on the next bed, answers.

"...And you both ended up with neck braces?"

"Yep! We got a little rough. You know how these things are," Goo chirps, light tone contrasting with his eyes angrily glaring at Gun.

"...It says pillow fight here."

"Yep!"

That doesn't sound right. " And what were the pillows filled with?"

A brief pause, where they exchange shifty glances before piping up together, "Rocks."

Outfits

"That looks great on you,"

"I know."

Gun ignores Crystal fawning over Goo. Completely ignores them and the vein throbbing on his temple.

He absolutely will not concern himself with such juvenile things.

Barely remembers the first time he wore the same outfit, picking Crystal up and accompanying her to J-High, she took one look at his outfit and held back a giggle.

He doesn't give a shit. He has more important things to think about.

Or when Goo raided his wardrobe, rifling through outfits, laughed at this monstrosity and then asked if he could have it, Gun just shrugged. He has no attachment to it.

And now Gun absolutely doesn't care that Goo is on the receiving end for his outfit.

Who gives a shit.

Gun Park is above this nonsense. So what if he is daydreaming about strangling the life out of Goo in that stupid shirt and stupid scarf.

It's no different than usual, he always fantasises about killing Goo.

It's fine.

And one I accidentally deleted: Spice Eating Contest

"...What's wrong with you two?" Kouji, face completely repulsed, watches his two hyungs scarfing down the ramen in front of him.

The store's spiciest, apparently. Renowned, Crystal had said. Three please, Kouji had asked. And when it arrived? Disappointment. Spicy? Not by a long shot. Barely even having any heat.

The same can't be said for Gun and Goo's palate, tears streaming down their sweaty beet red faces, snot flowing freely and ew. Likely mingling with everything else.

"It's not spicy at all!" Goo spits, mouth full of ramen and glowering at Gun.

"Who said it was spicy, idiot." Gun retaliates, eyes leaking even more as he shoves in another mouthful.

"Umm. Guys. You need to be careful-" Kouji tries, but to no avail. Both now too busy trying to swallow inbetween coughing fits.

Oh well.

He did try to warn them.

Guess they will just have to deal with the aftermath once the spice works its way through their digestive system and wrecks their body for a second time.

[mohs-aphmau-hcs]

Stereotypical Emergency Gofundme Title

Hey guys, I hate doing this, especially after being inactive for so long but this is my most popular blog and I need help.

I'm 19, living paycheck to paycheck with some pets and my SDIT, I'm severely mentally disabled and trans, living in the US, and I'm currently in a housing emergency that could leave me homeless in the likely worst-case scenario

Im an incapacitated mentally disabled trans adult living in the USA with my cats and dogs, one of which is an SDIT, I am unable to do basic things alone like grocery shopping or doctor's appointments, I can barely keep myself and my animals going.

the people taking care of me had to drop everything and leave because a dangerous family member wouldn't stop harassing them. They're currently trying to help me find a cheap place, and then get me a DLS worker/Daily carer, but its a hard long process

In the process of getting out safely, they kind of left me here in a hazardous situation because their emergency place didn't have enough room for me. So, now I'm being harassed by this family member, and I have nowhere to live and no one to help me.

This family member is threatening to come in and gut the house before I'm gone so our dad can move in. An offer we did make to my dad, but this person is under the impression it was going to happen overnight. And is threatening to do so in 2 weeks whether I like it or not, on top of threatening to get rid of my animals. This person is for one dangerous and violent, and going against him could hurt me. At this point, him and this situation are a threat to my life and he has been directly threatening my life more than once. A fight between me and this person would also put more strain than there already is on my dad and mine relationship. I want to move out by next month to avoid this situation.

I need to find a house or lenient apartment for rent, that accepts animals and isn't discriminatory against low income, disability, government support, and LGBT+, but I can barely afford rent here let alone a down payment on top of rent and a moving truck by next month. On top of finding a place that accepts Section 8 or low income, and then even having to wait to see if I can get a Section 8 voucher, and feeling unsafe in my current home, it's been hard. This is my first time doing any of this.

If I could make maybe 1k USD or more that'd help so much with getting at least a basic place to stay in when I find one

No one is obligated to help, but every little bit helps at the moment, I wouldn't be making this post if I wasn't desperate. I don't need food, or necessities except maybe cat food, I have enough for right now I just need a roof over my head

If you're able to, anything helps, thank you for reading my little sob story, here's a link to my gofundme page to help me get a house. Thank you all again just for reading even if you don't donate anything, <3

Fundraiser by Sam Tamayo : Help me raise money for a home for me and dog (gofundme.com)

[enhalusional]

Chapter 1

Sohee has a chance encounter with someone who has an enhypen fansign ticket. Fate was dangling the opportunity in her face. Why would she let go?

Words: 1.7k

Trigger warnings: Physical abuse, indication of assault, theft, mentions of alcohol and drugs.

Series masterlist

The door-bell chimed loudly, indicating the arrival of a new customer. Sohee willed herself to put on a smile despite her clearly evident tiredness. She had been working double shifts for the past two days in the same café on top of her 3 other jobs. Sleep had been reduced to a mere three hours a day. She badly needed a day off how else was she supposed to make her ends meet? She envied all the people her age who were able to go to college. They had their lives on track. And here she was, not knowing if she would eat the next week. College was out of question. She was grateful for knowing how to read even.

She made the order for the girl who barely looked sixteen years old. The girl had on a white undershirt with a beige tunic cinched at her waist with a white belt. Her smooth and silky hair was left open in waves.

Old Money. 

Rest under the cut

Sohee was sure of it. After being the barista in this place for more than a year now, it was easy for her to judge people through their clothes.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

But that was exactly what Sohee did. Clothes and how they carried themselves in it. It kept her mind off of other things. Like her addict of a father at home who must be waiting to suck her dry of today's tips. Or the due payments to be made to the landlord before they were evicted. The landlord had pitied her enough and given her extensions. And four months was stretching it.

She wondered what this girl was doing here in the first place. Not that it was her business. But she felt bad for any possible encounters the girl might have to face. Sohee sighed for the nth time that day. It was 7:45 PM. Her shift ended at 8. She bobbed her head to the music playing in her ears.

I would give up heaven if I had to

Just to get another taste of your...

Right before the beat drop, the girl in front of her started yelling into her phone. Irritation shot up in Sohee. It had to be now. Did she not deserve to at least listen to her Idols in peace? Enhypen was the only thing that stopped her from doing something awful. Because if something happened to her, how will she listen to their music? See their pretty faces and smiles? Enhypen was the only good thing in her life. The only thing she was the sensitive spot she had. And she went berserk when she was interrupted in her alone time with them. The mental image of Enhypen's body rolls faded away. Her ears picked up on the girl's conversation.

"I can't wait to see them. I'm sure Niki remembers me...I know I am, aren't I? He even calls me Riyu Noona...like of course why wouldn't he? He might be used to pretty faces but none like me."

Of course, everyone was meeting them except her. She was the unlucky one here. Sohee cursed her fate. How can a girl younger than her have everything she had ever wanted? Money, a good house, probably a good family as well and the most important thing, her idols. Life was cruel. But the next second, Sohee heard something that made her eyes go wide.

"I just brought the tickets you know? Premium seats that too...uh huh...you bet I'm wearing that one. As much as I love Niki, I'm also looking forward to catching Heeseung's attention as well..."

She just brought the tickets? Sohee concentrated on her face and her clothing once again. They were ruffled. Her face was a bit tired. She had been out for a good while. Did that mean she had the tickets on her now? Inside that pretty white purse?

Sohee's breathing turned ragged. This could be her chance, right? A young girl was of no match to her strength. But she was rich. Influential probably. Sohee pocketed her phone. Her latest phone that she had recently got.

Or...stole.

She needed to be careful. The girl was leaving already. Sohee bounced in her place and looked out frantically. Why was her coworker always late? She watched in frustration as the girl started fading away from her sight in the night fog.

Shit, Shit, Shit...

From a distance, she saw her coworker approaching. Sohee immediately threw her apron aside and got her bag from the shelf. Without even waiting for her coworker to come in, she dashed out.

"Emergency. Sorry." She told her coworker in a hurry when they met at a distance.

Not hearing her response, Sohee ran towards the empty streets. She frantically looked around trying to spot the girl. She was betting all of this on the assumption that the girl had the tickets in her purse. God forbid, she didn't. All of this would be in vain. After turning the corner, she heard someone slurring. Cracking her knuckles, she inched forward to peep.

"Hey pretty, what are you doing here this late at night? Did your driver not arrive yet?"

You bet he didn't. Sohee thought.

But it was a relief. Both that she had found the girl and that she didn't have to get her hands dirty. She put her hood up and wore her mask. She peeped again and saw the girl whimpering in the corner. One man. She could take him out easily.

She walked over without making a noise. The man got close to the girl, his hand now on her shoulder. A predator. Not a thug. This was going to be fun. The girl saw her through the tear strained face. As soon as the man turned around, Sohee punched him in the eye and kicked him in the balls. Once he fell, she stomped on his balls again for a good measure. The man cried and cursed at her. In the meanwhile, she went to check on the girl.

"There, there. It's alright. He won't do anything now..."

In the process of consoling her, Sohee's eyes fell on the purse beside her. In an attempt to give her a reassuring hug, Sohee swiftly and discreetly reached inside the clasp. She had to suppress the cry of joy when her hand closed in on the stiff paper. She pulled it out carefully and patted the girl's head.

"Be safe. This isn't a good neighborhood. Lots of thugs and delinquents."

And I'm one of them.

Sohee started walking back to her house. These alleyways were her routine. Living here taught her many things. Things that she wasn't proud of. But it was either fight or death. She might've been dead a long time ago if she hadn't adapted. She opened the door to her house. The shabby two bedroom apartment reeked of alcohol. An outsider would've puked at the smell. But over the years, she had gotten used to this. This and the small particles of leftover white powder on the table.

Her father was nowhere in sight. Maybe he left. She wished he wouldn't comeback for another few days. She went to her room and immediately locked the door behind her. But she wished she hadn't. He was one her bed. His big unkempt beard hid the permanent snarl on his face. The drawers were open, the little contents strewn on the floor. Most of them being idol photocards and little pieces of jewelry she had stolen over the last few days.

"You hid the money from me, you bitch." He said.

"I don't have anything." Sohee countered.

"That's a lie." He said. "What use are you even making out of yourself? At least that pretty face gets you tips. Empty your pockets."

Sohee took a few notes out of her pocket. "Not a lot of customers."

Her father cornered her. She held the money up in hope that he would leave soon. But instead, he slammed her into the wall and started choking her.

"Lies. I give you a roof and all you do is lie."

He started going through her pockets in search of money. But instead he pulled out the tickets.

"What is this?"

Upon seeing Enhypen's faces, anger simmered in his eyes.

"Someone you're whoring yourself to?" he asked in contempt.

Fear crept up in Sohee. Her sole joy was in his hands. If anything happened to them, she had no idea what she would do.

"N-no. Please..." she whimpered.

His eyes glinted with delight. He slowly started to crumple the tickets, taking full satisfaction from the panic in her eyes.

"Money! I-I'll give it to you." she said frantically.

"Good girl." He cooed at her and left her throat.

Sohee fell to the ground and scrambled to get the rest of the tip from her inner pockets. But her father wasn't satisfied. He tore a little piece from the ticket with a short laugh.

"No! Wait." She stumbled over to the drawer and opened a hidden compartment. Holding out a bundle of notes, she pleaded him to let it go.

As soon as he saw the huge bundle, he snatched it from her hands. The tickets fell to the ground and Sohee made a dash for it. She hid them behind her and her father smirked at her.

"I'm in a good mood today. You can keep those."

He slammed the door behind him. Sohee rushed forward and locked it shut. She breathed heavily and turned the tickets over. They were torn from the corner but nothing important was amiss.

Good. The staff will surely miss the tear. It's not that big of a deal, right?

She sacrificed all the money she was saving to get out of there. Surely life wouldn't be so cruel to her and take away her hope and love at once. She deserved a break from reality. And she was going to get it, by fighting tooth or nail.  

[cicisbloghasgotitgoingon]

Preparing To Leave:

To start with, this adventure was something that took over a year to actually acomplish. I was still in my first year of law in September of 2023 when I had to complete the interview process for this opportunity to study abroad. They were simple questions. Questions I had practiced answering even before I got there. I knew what I wanted from this experience, it felt easy but I was still nervous that somehow I would mess up or come across so unlikeable or distatesful that they would reject me on the spot. Anxiety is a joy like that. They told me not to worry and that my interview went very well, that I should expect to recieve my approval to continue with the process later in the week. I still worried, overthought it all with each day. When I got the email saying I was good to go, it didn't quite feel real. They warned me that because i was leaving in my second semester of my second year that I wouldn't hear from them for around 8-10 months because they wouldn't have anything to give me. Safe to say all that time dragged out. It was a year and a month or so before I did get my study abroad info. During all that time, I was filled with academic trials and personal challenges. Friendships changed, some bloomed more than the ones I assumed would. The flowers set safely in my garden withering and growing, swaying and drooping. Some even reached out closer to each other, roots entangling below the dirt and I envied that in some cases. Others turned out to be harmful to the garden and I was sad to see them go. When it started to get closer to my departure, everything really began to pile up. I had less time for friends, I was overwhelmed with studies and academic pressure, my mental health was weighing me down and every interaction I participated in. Even my relationship took a hit, though it worked out in the end. I often have this thing where I get excited for trips or special days but it takes until the actual day or me arriving for the real emotions to set in, so it's been sort of a muted excitement and a disbelief that I would really get to come here. In my head, something would just happen and I wouldn't get to be here. It always feels like that before events really. As if I can't ever believe something cool would really happen to me. It's silly I suppose but it can't be helped. Christmas arrived and I got to spend my first Christmas s with my partner. We cuddled the dog and cozied up by the fire, we opened gifts and ate inordinate amounts of food. I received the first gift in 7 years from my mother and I was so happy, so full of love and a sort of melancholy. But so happy for the effort and thought this gift came with. I went and spent time with my Auntie for New Years, we took a polaroid at midnight, holding glasses of booze to start the New Year off bubbly and warm from the drink. It was a perfect way to start the New Year, even as the rain pelted hard outside and doused fireworks raging outside and lighting the sky. When I came home it was all about my assignments and final bits of paperwork to fill out. I had been to the embassy in london on the 27th and had almost completed my visa application entirely and was just waiting on one more payment and then the delivery of it all. The stress of my assignments was weighing more heavily, and still is as I'm left with two to complete.

It was a whole experience, preparing for this trip. It both dragged and came speeding towards me. My flight got booked, the 23rd of January at 12:10, a 7 hour flight to the place I'd be living in for the next four months. I got to have dinner with my family members, say goodbye and hug them before leaving, even though four months isn't so long, it felt and still feels like a long time, though now it also feels like nothing at all.

This blog may not be super well written or sound very elegant, most of this is written late at night when I am finally back in my dorm room. I hope it will be fun though and my writing will get better as I go on. It feels nice to do this so I hope others will enjoy it too.

Your Queen, Cecilia

[alvadee]

the movie theater customers in the last weeks are really trying me again...cherry on top was this last couple tonight.

gladiator II started at 7:30 pm, usually movies start at 8 pm so i waited longer before i did the accounting in case someone didn't get the memo. the couple comes in at 8 pm, said they want two tickets. i told them the movie was already playing since twenty minutes (trailers and ads here are only 8 minutes long). they didn't care and wanted to get in anyway but told me we had our movie starting times wrong. i told her forty people were here at the correct time and asked where the wrong time was listed (newspaper ad, our website, some random google result?) but got no reply.

gave them the tickets but they were in no hurry, she wanted to buy a small bottle of champagne and some sweets. when we give out champagne and wine we always ask if people want a champagne/wine glass for which we take 1 € as pawn. (it's mostly meant as an incentive to return it to the counter so we don't have to search for it later in the building and have to carry it too when we're already carrying the heavy crates downstairs later.) then one of the many pre christmas voucher buyers came in and i talked to her while overhearing that the older couple, while studying their tickets, realized they actually wanted in a movie we showed a week earlier. (i was already internally sighing knowing the accounting for this movie wouldn't be easier than the one in the afternoon when the wifi went out).

i told them i would pay out the ticket price if i could have the tickets back (i need the number printed on them to cancel them in the system). it took them an eternity to find them again even though i just sold them a minute ago. i give them the money back and ask if they also want to return the champagne and sweets, they declined and said they would sit in the foyer and drink it anyway. i thought ok, i'm going to be here longer anyway and that shouldn't take more than fifteen or twenty minutes.

for 45 minutes i'm like two meters away from them at the counter doing the accounting. then as i'm finally done and go in the back to refill some stuff they are ofc finally done with drinking their champagne, after nearly an hour, and collect their things.

i return and the empty bottle is on the counter but i can't see the champagne glass. i look around, thinking maybe she still has the glass in her hand, drinking the last bit while browsing the flyers. but i can't see the glass anywhere so i ask her where she put it.

she says she wanted to keep it and it's in her bag....... 😐 i ask her to please return it, and that the 1 € was a pawn not payment. she explained that she does that regularly and collects glasses from different (movie)theaters? she goes to and it would work that way there. i told her it doesn't work that way here and we need all our glasses because we regularly host big events where we need all of them. she kept being cheery while i was close to asking what kind of upbringing she has had. like jfk at least ask if you can purchase/have the glass, you're literally just stealing.

after i got the glass back i noticed the man was studying the price list, they quietly talked for a second and then asked if they could now purchase a voucher. i told them no, i just did the accounting for the day for nearly and hour next to them but now the computer and printer had been shut down for the day.

they finally left, exclaiming "we just don't have any luck today" and i rushed to the front door to lock it.

[little-escapist]

From Drabble list #8 that you reblogged.

"There will be an extra fee included."

Can't wait to read what you write! 💖💖

bitbybit

Yay, thanks for playing! The prompt list is here in case anyone else feels like prompting me. For this, I blame that all around me there seem to be babies and pregnant women.

"Me!" Annie points at herself with all of a 3-year-old's determination.

Blaine holds in his sigh. "No, honey. Dad will pay for the ice creams and then we will go eat."

"No, me!" Annie insists again, a frown appearing between her dark eyebrows.

Luckily for Blaine, there is no line at the shop this time ofthe day. There's no one to get frustrated at their father-daughter standoff - no one but the exceptionally attractive ice cream seller guy, who is smiling at them from behind his counter, an adorable cap on his brown hair and a twinkle in his blue eyes. The choosing of their ice creams went surprisingly easily this time - strawberry for Annie and chocolate for Blaine, they're both traditional - but apparently the matter of payment is another thing entirely.

"I'm so sorry," Blaine says to the ice cream guy with a long suffering eye roll. "She's three and she wants to do everything on her own, without dad's help. Just take my card so we'll get out of your hair."

"Sure. There will be an extra fee included, though." The ice cream guy's voice is unusual, high and melodic. There's a tiny smirk on his face, making his cheek dimple. If Annie wasn't here, Blaine wouldn't mind lingering in the empty ice cream shop for longer, just to talk to this guy. Blaine might be a single father of a demanding girl, but he's not tired enough to miss how gorgeous this guy is, how he would like to spend time with him based on a silly ice cream order.

He is in trouble.

"What?" he asks as the guy's words register in his mind. "What extra fee?"

"See, it costs more if adults pay," the ice cream guy says and winks. Winks.

Annie seems to understand what that means because she starts tugging on Blaine's sleeve. "I pay!"

Blaine lifts his eyeborws at the guy who smiles coyly and shrugs. "Those are the rules."

"I'm sure they are." Blaine bends a little to lift Annie on his hip so she can see over the counter.

"Ice cream for me and daddy," Annie says, very serious. Then she remembers good manners and hastily adds, "please."

"Of course," the ice cream guy says with a smile, meeting her eyes. "Just you and daddy, huh? No mommy outside waiting for you?"

Annie shakes her head. "Just me and daddy."

Blaine wants to shake his head. This guy is something else. "There's never been a mommy, and there's no other daddy now, either." Okay, maybe he is being more forward than he'd ever be, but this guy is seriously beautiful and there's something about him that is drawing Blaine in.

There's something smug in the smile he gets for his comment. It feels nice.

"Okay, that'll be four dollars, then."

"I pay!" Annie declares happily, swinging her little legs around Blaine and kicking him in the ass as she does.

"Yeah, this time you pay so we don't have to do the extra fee." Blaine side-eyes the ice cream guy as he gives his card to Annie, who then offers it forward. The guy rings them up with a sweet smile.

"Great! My name is Kurt and I'm here every weekday morning. I hope to see you again soon!" The guy, Kurt, gives back the card and looks Blaine in the eye with a heavy look. Blaine ducks his head with a bashful smile. Wow. Not what he expected of their morning when they left home.

"I think we've found our regular ice cream spot," he manages to say, and Kurt's cheeks turn a delightful pink.

"Yay!" Annie exclaims.

[lexa-griffins]

Please share your lady of the night Lexa x recently freed from prison Clarke thoughts

I'm gonna copy/paste what I sent @bottom-lexa and try and make it coherent 😅

Lexa lives in a trucker stop type town. Very small. Known for being safe for women so Lexa tends to get a lot of older butch women as clients. But she never saw any of them as more than that. She barely ever sees them again.

But one day she's approached by a car with a young pretty girl inside who offers to buy a drink. They dance and when they go back to Clarke's motel room it feels more like a one night stand than anything else….

That is until morning comes and Clarke thinks there's something there and Lexa asks for payment and leaves right after.

Clarke just got out of jail. It was a short sentence, some youth mistakes with drugs and robbery at the cusp of turning 18 that got her 8 years of which she only served 5 with good behavior. Her mom disowned her and the town hates her so she sets up north with the money her dad left her before he died, not long after she went to jail.

Lexa had a shitty home life, abusive parents who left her to fend for herself the moment she became an adult and after a few odd jobs as a server she ended up as a prostitute. Pays better anyways, and the ladies treat her right.

Its like these two women with such shit lives in a town so nicely nickname PolisDyke who don't know where to go who find comfort in each other.

Clarke does become a regular, against her better judgement really. After Lexa walks off Clarke is ready to leave and continue driving. She hits the road in her beat up car and she makes it half way down the deserted road when it breaks down and she has to call a tow company to get it checked. She goes back into the town to wait for it to be fixed but she finds its far more than she can afford.

That's the first night she goes back to Lexa. This time she pays without much fuss and they part ways.

She finds finds a job at the gas station. Lexa hangs there a lot too. Quickies do a lot for her. Soon enough, Clarke is paying her for those too on her breaks.

Clarke is living on a motel. Lexa has an apartment although its honestly not much better… or bigger. The motel is their preferred place to meet, although Lexa has made the call to bring Clarke over to hers.

At some point Clarke forgets she's working to pay her car. She's actually enjoying life here. She's made friends with Raven, the owner of the repair shop, Octavia and Lincoln who own the bar and Anya the owner of the gas station and well as the other guy who works there, Murphy. Its a small town, she doesn't feel like she has to go anywhere else and there are new faces newly everyday being such a frequent trucker stop. And then there's Lexa, who keeps pulling at her. Stability is not something Clarke is used to as although she was middle class, she barely saw her parents at all which lead her to act out. And this, this is nice. She has a job and a place to sleep. Despite its run down appearance the town is friendly and happy all around. And Clarke gets to feel like she made something out of herself, it gives her the purpose that she needed because before jail she was the disgraced child of hard working people and then became a criminal and now she gets to be who she wants to become. It feels stable and safe, Gustus the owner of the motel reminds her of the guards in jail but with a paternal aura to him that makes her feel safe and the entire town is just this collection of somewhat broken people who try to make it a good place to live in despite everything.

And Lexa just tries her best to stay away, she's a client, a regular. But then payment stops being discussed and although Clarke hands her the money Lexa feels dirty receiving it. It never felt dirty before, even with regulars.

Her and Lexa have this weird "flirty friends during the day fucking during the night" all wrapped in that client/escort dynamic that makes it weird and yet its like they've known each other for ages. They have lunch together and hang out but there's always that sexual tension between them. They are fwb really but Lexa cant put that label on them because Clarke is paying her and she doesn't have the capability to tell Clarke bot to pay her and that she wants to have sex with her just to have because does Clarke even want to have sex with her like that? That opens the door for something more neither are particularly sure they want.

And then... Clarke starts with drugs again. Nothing too heavy, but its an habit either way. Lexa was raised around drugs and she hates them and she raises hell when she watches Clarke smoke, as if they are dating and she has a say in it. That shit annoys Clarke so much because /why/ cant Lexa just say it? Why does she have to act like she cares and then immediately act all cold with the client bullshit? Clarke could make a good stable life here if it wasn't for Lexa making it all unstable and Lexa doesn't see that instead of talking she acts like her mom who snapped at her dad any time he did drugs but never trying to help him, only smacking him and kicking him while her dad did nothing other than stand there and numb himself with drugs and care little for the way his wife beat his daughter when he fucked up because Lexa was the reason she was "stuck in this shit hole with her shit father.

Lexa's dad never fought back, she remembers so vividly her mom just smacking him and him letting her. She never beat him, but Lexa knew the smacks weren't light. But he just did nothing, either too high or just not caring.

Its during a fight when Lexa got to Clarke's room to find her clearly high that she gets so mad she tries to smack her. But Clarke knows her limits. She doesnt let herself get high to a degree of not knowing her surroundings. And prison gave her a sixth sense for when a fight is gonna break so she grabs Lexa's wrists when she starts to smack her. And that jerks Lexa back to reality and she realizes she has seen this play out before. Clarke fights back, she holds Lexa down and refuses to let her push her around. And Lexa is so glad, because Clarke wont let her be her mom, because her mom was created with the help of her dad's attitude and Clarke wont have it. And its not a one time thing, it repeats itself a few times, usually all involving the same settings of the drugs and a tiring day at work but Clarke will stop her and tell her to go slapsh some cold water on her face while Clarke goes to the shower clothes and all under the freezing water to force herself out of her state. Its this insistence Clarke has that theyll figure it out, that she can fix it that makes Lexa really see shes copying her mothers behaviors and that if she wants her life to be different, better, she needs to make some changes to herself, but she also needs Clarke to make changes too

They are both just emotionally stunt. Neither know how to fully express their feelings without making it a fight. Because Clarke can still grab her car and go away. Lexa makes money by having sex with other women, its not something she can just stop because the people in town wont want to hire her known what she did before. Its not that simple and yet it could be if they just tried. But life has never been easy and simple for them, so they cant just let this between them be either...

[alirhi]

I'm so fucking done. I can't do this anymore. (no, this isn't a weird digital suicide note, just venting)

I just... jfc. So on top of being homeless since April and falling behind on ALL of my bills because I can't work anymore and applying for disability in this country is a fucking JOKE... now I don't even have my shitty broken car to sleep in. The cops just fucking took it.

See, I'd raised money to get caught up on my car payments and insurance, but that was when I was working and thought I could KEEP up. Then my chronic pain got worse, and worse, and worse. Now I can't even be on my feet for more than 10 minutes at a time, and the price I pay for those 10 minutes? 30-60 minutes ON MY ASS trying to recover. ALSO, in this intervening time, the alternator died in my car. Oh yay. ANOTHER expense I can't afford!

Anyway, I got caught up (momentarily) on car payments, and hit goal on my fundraiser, but because of the aforementioned problems, ended up having to live on the remainder of the money raised to not, y'know, starve to death or lose all the shit I own currently sitting in storage. So I was unable to fix the alternator, or get the car insured and re-registered.

And today state cops decided to run my plates and have my car towed because, without insurance, the registration is suspended. Never mind that it's dead and not going anywhere. Never mind that I have nowhere else to go. Local cops cared that I'm living in the fucking thing. Local cops expressed sympathy and hope that no one would take away the only home I had left. Local cops do not patrol this area. Staties do. And Staties are fucking assholes.

I mean, ACAB. I will always firmly stand by that. But lesser of two evils and all that right now. Unfortunately, the bigger evil runs this place. Fuckers.

So now I'm cramming my fat ass into the back of my mother's Jeep with her and her (thankfully tiny) dog, and now she's paranoid about staying here so I'm about to lose the free AC, water, wifi, and 24/7 bathroom access that has kept me going for the past 4 months.

I've applied for disability. I've applied for housing assistance. I've applied for Section 8. I'm working with homeless outreach people. I'm doing everything I possibly can and none of it's enough. Not by a long shot. It's all a fucking waiting game, and between the heat, pain, and my diabetes, it's a game I'm losing by a fucking landslide.

I don't fucking know what to do anymore.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

8.7.24 Wednesday

2:30 am

Still, have windblow.... Done, streaming in Tagged...

2:41 am

I have windblow...

I will always love you Garret....

3:07 am

Still, have windblow...

hi Garret...

7:53 am

Still,have windblow...

It is my laundry day today... I feel bitterish... I need a job but not on the chipay places like some places here in Cavite...

This biological mother is still fakers, she wanted me to work on a place here in Cavite, to be an accountant... Super cheap pinoy!

I hope Garret can save me but I have something in my mind. I wanna leave Cavite...

Hating my cousin white for being married...He can't save me here angels...

Call center is better or bank job or airline and better be on TV! Own my own Pet Store!.

I have something in my mind but I wanna leave Cavite...

9:03 am

Faithful Servant of Uncle DD, Uncle Jun?

10:10 am

Still,have windblow...

25 minutes ago or 20 minutes ago? I saw a shorty guy wearing a long sleeve with a claw bar tool on his left hand, just passed by our street. I didn't even know him here....

Who got them here???

This is the claw bar that the guy is holding awhile ago....

KC back me up and I will model your jewellry.... Don't be fool by the fools... They are fakers here KC! If not will not wear your ring anymore...

I have windblow... Did you spin already KC?

11:03 am

I have windblow...

I wanna leave this place coz there is no progress... A lil step is not acceptable in my world,that's the truth coz it's been 17 years...

Did Mitch give me these "simple battery"???

No,choice but to skip and walk and skip and walk...

I feel frustrated...

I feel super hurt!!!

2:22 pm

Still,have windblow...

I figure out something here in my washing machine Eureka "twin tub"... I'm seeing 2 holes one is for the water tube on the washer and the 2nd hole is for the Spinner dryer...

I just checked some videos on youtube that after the wash spin, you must transfer the clothes right away from the washer to the spinner then transfer as well the water tube but it is much more expensive on clothes conditioner and water as well and difficult to see if the clothes is already rinse well or out of laundry soap.

I think my way is short cut if you are on a thrift budgeting of soap and clothes conditioner.

I'm not transferring the water tube to the spinner dryer but I did wash everything from white to colored....Then, after everything I rinse them all then wash and drain and wash and drain a bit then spin dry....

3:28 pm

Still,have windblow...

I wanna leave Cavite....

They are here again Uncle DD and Aunt Karen and their 2 children Ivan and Crysette....Around 10 am they went out according to Crysette they will inquire in De La Salle coz she didn't receive any on-line exam....Supposed to be she will receive via mail.

When they arrived this afternoon here in the house 30 minutes ago Crysette told me she went to EAC coz De La Salle keeps them waiting for too long... Ivan went to Area G high school....

Uncle DD asked me about the eyedrops of Neko that I bought and told him I'm gonna be out of budget soon, he'll be the one to buy an eye drops for Neko. I said it is the maintenance of Neko her eyedrops... I just care coz from the past weeks it seems Neko's eyes will be damaged or probably Neko will go blind... As a good samaritan I bought her an eye drops then Uncle DD asked me to order on Lazadah but he will shoulder the payment...

8:17 pm

Still,have windblow..

On my last laundry, I tried transferring the washed clothes onto the spin dryer right away and transferring as well the water tube to the spin dryer... Then, after few minutes I just dropped the clothes conditioner... The clothes conditioner is really smells strong on the clothes... But if your are on a thrift just wash there and spin for rinse while in the wash tub, then transfer to spin dry for drying the clothes.

On the other angle of my life, I hope I can have my own yaya again... I wanna buy Starbucks everyday... Resting now then will take my shower...

Done, eating dinner and some fixing here....But I still need to get a job, I feel self-pity... I wanna travel in a way and I want my xfactor. I wanna do nose perfection.

I need to get a bf like Garret or my cousin white....

[bylightofdawn]

Whelp, accidentally deleted my previous Hot Toys post. To summarize, I got bit by FOMO super hardcore and bought the Hot Toy's Rex because I realized I would be heartbroken if in six month I'd saved up money for him only for him to be sold out and disappeared off the site.

That happened to me earlier this year with a Nightcrawler maquette I'd been eying around the same time I bought my Quicksilver one.

Rex has been released for a few months too and I was shocked at how swiftly Cody disappeared from the Hot Toys store so I didn't want to miss out on him. And I'd honestly been eying him for years at this point.

So I opted to do an Affirm payment plan instead which makes me mentally cringe. But I have gotten to a place in my life that I don't want to let fear or uncertainty stop me from doing what I want to do.

And I really want my Hot Toys guilty OT3.

Yeah, it'll suck having to find an extra 50 bucks a month in my budget but I will buckle down and do it and at the end of the day, that might not be the fiscally responsible choice but it is one that brings me happiness. And life is too damned short to not do things that bring you small joys.

I know every time I look at that display case and see those three figures, it'll bring a smile to my face and kindle of fondness to my heart.

I don't plan on buying any more of these stupidly expensive toys short of them releasing a Wedge Antilles which I know will never happen because he is super niche. But I would be so fucked if they did because I would bleed blood for my favorite Corellian son.

They did release a Hoth Luke which is super gorgeous so I'm assuming ESB's 40th anniversary so I think it's pretty safe to say he will never get graced with a gorgeous Hot Toy, which is good for my budget.

Also, I’m telling myself I don’t NEED the Jango figure but ngl I’ve been eying him semi-covetously as well. And if 250 bucks randomly landed in my lap out of nowhere, maybe I’d get him. But for now, I’m not planning on buying anything else.

NGL, it's hard fitting the three of them onto one shelf. I had a set up which I hated and was debating doing something stupidly extra like finding a way to hang Rex from the ceiling but when I was researching I discovered the display stand he comes with is articulated for making flying poses. So I found one I liked and sacrificed Cody's honestly pretty bleh sandy/rock display base.

I think he suitably conveys you will have to through him to get at his General and Rex is there ready to do bash bros shenanigans with Cody. Though nitpicking things I need to do is redo Obi-Wan’s pose and I forgot to put Rex’s ammo pack on but that can wait.

I do kinda want to get some kind of diorama things or something to spice up the background I think. I would love to find one that will allow you to display more than one on a stand and I've seen some on etsy. Honestly, from what I've seen I'd really need to find a way of doing something 3D printed and I know you can purchase and even pay people to do 3D prints and then paint it yourself but I've never done model painting in my life.

Still, it intrigues me and seems like an interesting artistic challenge.

I've been feeling kinda like I want to some kind of crafting again but it needs to be cat safe. I did start to do some beading, left it in a bowl high up on a shelf and somehow my fucking cat still managed to pull it down and attempt to SWALLOW the 8+ feet of fireline. So I had to gently pull that out of his gullet, something I discovered afterwards wasn't the play to do. So that scares the shit out of me and makes me super sad because beading has always been my crafty go-to. Thankfully, fireline is a LOT stronger than regular thread and it didn't break off when I was doing it.

Sure, I could be more careful and lock it up in a tupperware container or something like that but I'm still kinda traumatized by the whole affair a month or two later.

Maybe that's why I've gotten so into decorating my space lately, I just need some kind of physical creative outlet.

[weasleywinchester]

Save Yourself - Chapter 13

Don't give in to the feelin’

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

OOOOKKKKAAAYYY. Now that I've had time to write (starting an etsy to waaayyy more time then I thought LOL) I'm back with the next chapter for this! We're getting into the territory of making myself cry as I write. So if you see tear stains all over the place, don't worry it's just me breaking my own heart.

Warnings: Sad feelings (angst? is that what it's called?), no smut :(

*also gif of Sammy hug is not mine, found via Pinterest with a link to nothing

Series Summary:

“I promise.” Those two words would trap you in a life you never wanted. You are an artist, a hunter, a Winchester. And yet the pain in Dean’s eyes as demanded you live the life he wants you live, you couldn’t say no. You met the Winchesters by chance, found out they were real people. And you figured it was a once in a life time thing, but then Dean called you, and so did a new job. Both leading to the life you wanted, a family that didn’t begin or end in blood and a once in a life time love. And he said leave it and him behind, forget. But you can’t.

Chapter Summary:

Mary is no stranger to changing the course of her life; but being thrown back into the world of the living is, well, a whole new world. New tech, new place, two grown sons and no husband. And then, being a good nosey mom, she finds a wedding picture of you and her son. Who are you? Where are you? And why does Dean not want to talk about you?

It's been four days since... well something. Something life changing. But you're not sure what. All you know is that a man in your dreams is telling you to save yourself. But who is he? Hell, who are you?

Mary sits in content silence, watching “baby” Sammy and “little” Dean search for a case. This isn’t the life she wanted for them; they were supposed to grow up in a normal world, one where they worried about first dates and car payments, not the monsters in the closet.

She pours herself another cup of coffee, her brain flipping from mourning her old life and joy at the second chance she has. She often wanders the halls of the bunker while the boys are out; poking her nose into their stuff like all mothers do.

“Um, we’re going for a beer run. Did you want anything?” Dean asks, his weight shifting from foot to foot. She shakes her head no and watches both of them leave. When the bunker door clicks shut she moseys down the hall to Dean’s room.

She finds comfort in his room the most, it holds a lot of John’s things; things she remembers when they were new. She gently runs her fingers over the old leather jacket, remembering that it was one of the first things he bought when he finished his time with the Marine Corp. Dean always keeps his journal on the desk, the pages well worn from years of reading it over and over. She puts a scrap of paper in the page it’s opened to and gently flips to the page she left off on. And she sits, quietly rereading every word, every line, every little note written in the margins.

A creak from the hallway shakes her from her thoughts. She waits a few breaths before deciding to go back to her own room. Standing to quickly leave a piece of paper on the dresser catches her attention ; well, that’s new.

The writing on the back says

“(Y/N) and Dean

Santa Barbra, CA

March 7th”

Mary flips it over, a photograph of Dean, a smile plastered on his face as he kisses the cheek of a beautiful young woman. Dean, married? What happened…

“Mom! We’re back! Got lots of jerky!” Dean yells from the garage. Mary takes one last look at the picture, sliding it into her pocket and slipping out of Dean’s room.

“Hey, what did you get up to today?” Sam smiles, still unsure if his mom is open to hugs at any given time or if it’s still too soon. The last thing he would want to do is put any pressure on her to be anything other than herself.

“Oh not much, figuring out the cell phone thing still. Watched a few movies that you both had set out.” She smiles as she watches them unpack the groceries.

“Hey, uh, who’s (Y/N)?” She watches Dean’s reaction: his face stoic but panic flashes through his eyes.

“(Y/N)?” Sam’s brain tries to grasp your name, not sure why it feels so familiar.

“Just a girl I dated.” Dean mumbles, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“What happened-“ Mary starts.

“We broke up. End of story.” Dean slams the fridge closed, pops the cap off a beer and stomps to his room.

_______

“Nice choice mom! The Sandlot is a classic.” Sam gently sits on the couch, back straight as a board.

“You can relax.” Mary laughs. She appreciates the boys being so considerate, but she’s used to being around rough and tough men. The tiptoeing does give her a good laugh though.

Sam exhales nervously, settling into the couch. They both sit in silence, occasionally laughing at the movie. But Mary can’t get the image of you and Dean out of her head, no matter how funny the movie is. She takes the picture out of her pocket, her finger gently tracing Dean’s face and then yours.

“Sam, who’s (Y/N)?” She sneaks a glance at him, a sad smile shaping his features.

“Family.” He automatically responds. He went digging through his phone when Dean wasn’t looking and found pictures and texts from you; seemed to help clear the brain fog he’s been in for the last few days.

“What happened to her?”

“She should be in California… Chuck zapped her away… before the Amara stuff. So she would be safe.”

Mary studies the frown on Sam’s face, she imagines it takes quite a bit of power to mess with memories.

“How did you meet?” she asks. Sam smiles, taking a deep breath in.

“A case. The college she went to is a converted mental hospital. After that we’ve crossed paths here and there, every time her and Dean … they just click, like two pieces to the same puzzle.”

Mary nods, handing the picture to Sam.

“She’s home, for both of us. When we're in her world, there’s no vamps, angels, demons; there’s just ... life.” He studies the picture, the smile on your face burned in his memory.

“He fell in love.” She smiles; you must be one amazing young woman to break the walls Dean has built around himself.

“Ya, Dean always feels like he’s putting her in danger. And he has to save her from monsters, the hunting life, even himself.” He sighs, handing the picture back.

“And you don’t agree?” Mary pries. She’s been in Dean’s shoes in a sense; she tried leaving the hunting life behind, a new start for her to have John and the boys with no monsters. But if she had to choose putting John in the hunting world or be without him, she’s not sure if she could be that unselfish.

“(Y/N) knew from the beginning what this life entailed. She never complained, never tried to get us out. She’s signed dotted lines of every hospital release form there is… she’s killed vamps, researched all night ... She didn’t try to talk him out of saving the world from Amara; she let him go, because she knows that’s what we do, save the world.” Sam takes a deep breath, fiddling with the label on his beer.

“Sounds like she was born to be a Winchester.” Mary smiles.

“She will always be a Winchester.”

“So why hasn’t she come back?” Mary turns toward her son. Surely you and Dean were inseparable if that wedding picture was anything to go by.

“To be honest I don’t even know why I haven’t gone to get her… until you said her name, I had forgotten her.”

Mary nods, sinking back into the couch, a plan coming together in her head.

_______

Salt in the air, the breeze whipping sand in your face, and the loud roar of the ocean. It’s the only thing you’ve felt the last four days. Well, that and the burn of whiskey down your throat. That’s all you are now, empty space and whiskey. The sun no longer feels warm as it rises in the morning, and the sunset no longer brings the promise of sleep.

You’ve been in this beach house for four days, and every night it’s a different dream of the same man. Even when your eyes are open you have strange visions, like memories dancing across the sand. And some fill you with joy but when they’re done playing, it leaves you with this pit in your stomach.

Oh darlin’, save yourself for someone else.

It’s all he says at the end of each dream. That one line echoes in the emptiness of your skull.

Oh won't you save yourself for someone else.

Who could you possibly save yourself for besides him? The way he looks at you, how he makes your heart race with a single wink.

“Mind if I join you?”

You turn to see a woman standing behind you. She’s got short wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Her smile is kind, so you nod. She plants her butt in the sand, bringing a knee to her chest.

“Are you (Y/N) Winchester?” She asks, leaning forward to catch your eye.

“Yes.” You blink at her a few times. Winchester. Last names… those are a thing. The woman smiles; she feels so familiar, like a long lost relative.

She can see the gears in your head sluggishly turning. You stink of alcohol and sunscreen, eyes are puffy, and you look a little dead despite sitting in the sun.

“And you are?” You frown, trying not to see double.

“Mary.” She half smiles and you reciprocate the gesture.

“My husband's… mom's name is Mary?” You hiccup. Husband. That’s right… married. You look down at your left hand, only a faint tan line of where a ring used to sit.

“Really?” She laughs, if you only knew.

You nod vigorously laying down on your towel.

“And what happened with your husband?” She lays beside you.

You feel the answer right in the center of your chest, you’re heart breaking in two.

“He died.” You whisper to the sky, tears springing into your eyes. He died. And you can’t even remember his name; but you’re left with the memories, the ghost of his touch on your skin, his laugh in your ears.

Mary frowns. How could Sam’s memories be so easily remembered but not yours?

“I’ve heard some of the stories from other hunters. Seems like he’s the best.” Mary prods, hoping to bring back a few more memories and get you out of this pointless pain you’re in.

“He’s only half the operation. Sam is definitely the brains.” You whisper. How did you know that? You bolt upright and look at Mary. Hunting! Saving People, hunting things, the family business… the Supernatural books! Sam and Dean Winchester… brothers who save the world; who saved you.

“You’re a hunter too?” You ask. Mary sits up to meet your gaze; she wants you to remember, to help make her son happy. But when Winchesters have plans, you’re in for a world of regret for messing with them. She takes in a deep breath and plunges in; worst they could do is kill her, and she’s already done that once.

“Yes. I’ve been out of the game for a long time; recently connected with family, who are hunters, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around a few things.”

“I get that.” You turn to the ocean, watching the waves push and pull along the shore, the turbulence of emotion inside you matching its pace. As each wave pounds into the shore and gently reveals the sand, your mind feels clearer, like your head is finally on straight.

“He saved the world.” You whisper, tears streaming down your face. He sacrificed himself, he did it for you, for Sammy… that’s right, you called him Sammy.

Mary wants to wrap her arms around you, to tell you he’s alive. But the nagging feeling of ‘mother’s should let their kids handle their lives’ keeps prodding her head; she wanted to see you, talk with you, figure out what her son wanted to protect. And if you happened to remember every detail, then the safest place is with her boys.

“Have you talked to Sam?” Mary whispers, gently placing her hand on yours.

“I… I didn’t know I could.”

“You can find him. Talk to him.” Mary suggests. She knows Sam would be able to explain it all, to help you through the fog and maybe convince Dean to not push you out of his life.

“Find him?” You ask. The last few days you’ve been… Well, everything was a little fuzzy before today; but every time you say Dean’s name, another memory comes back clear as a picture. And every time your heart breaks a little more because you’re here alone, and he’s dead.

_______

Loud. Everything is so loud. And your mouth is a desert. You crack your eyes open and see the outline of a water bottle. You sit up enough to drink without choking, you look around to see you’re still in the same house as yesterday.

Small clinking sounds float down the hall and you frown. Who could be here? You throw your legs over the edge of the bed, planting your feet firmly on the floor, and gently push yourself to stand. When you don’t immediately fall over you pad down the hall and see a woman taking plates out of the cupboard.

“Good morning.” She smiles, keeping her voice low.

You frown.

“Mary?” She smiles, trying to hide her laugh. You’re an absolute mess; hair full of salt, sand and whiskey, your shoulders and cheeks are pink from the sun. She could not convince you to change last night so you’re still in your swimsuit.

“Right. You said people pointed you my way. Did you need help with something?” It's way too early for anything hunting related.

“I just wanted to know more about the Winchester’s. About you and Dean.” She says into her coffee mug. And your conversation from yesterday floods back, your brain short circuiting from the information again.

“Did you know him?” You clear your throat, taking a swig from one of the cartons of orange juice.

“A long time ago. His dad too.” She purses her lips, her sad smile matching yours.

“If I didn’t know better I would say you’re his mom.” You laugh, picking at the corners of the carton. Mary doesn’t answer, so you look up at her. Her face is calm but her eyes are panicking. Why is she nervous? Also, need to call my own mother...

“What makes you think I’m not her?”

You snort at her question. “If Mary could come back, or be brought back, it would have happened a long time ago. And would have solved many problems among the Winchester men.” You remember seeing a picture of Dean and Mary a thousand times; Dean keeps it on the nightstand next to your wedding picture. You look back at her face, the picture in your mind now is as clear as day.

“You asked if I knew he was dead.” You whisper. What if…

“I…” Mary’s scrambling to find something, anything, to tell you. But her mind is blank, she understands why he doesn’t want you hunting and why he can’t leave; she just wanted to know her boys better, and part of that was you. But with someone tampering with your head, she couldn’t leave you like that, but the look in your eye is dangerous and worlds are about to collide in a fiery mess.

“Clean up and meet me in the car.” You run back to the bedroom, digging out some clean clothes and heading into the shower.

_______

“(Y/N), Dean has reasons to keep you out of hunting…”

Mary’s already tried to have this conversation three times but you never answer. The first time you called your mom, who was extremely relieved that you called her before your week “off the grid” was over. Apparently your friend Castiel needed the boys for a secret FBI thing and you had to be kept safe. Second time you pulled over to get gas and flat out ignored her. And the third time you simply rolled down the windows and blasted Carry On My Wayward Son as loud as it would go.

“How do you know where they are?” She finally snaps. You stop fiddling with the radio when you realize you don’t. You pull into the next parking lot and dial every number you have for Dean, Sam and Cas. Nothing.

Fine, the supernatural way it is.

“Dear Angel Castiel, hear my prayer louder than ANYONE ELSES and get your ASS—“

“Hello (Y/N).” Cas sighs.

You look up in the rearview and whip around to look at him.

“Bunker now.” You demand.

_______

“What was that?” Mary asks, her eyes scanning the familiar scenery of the bunker garage.

“I have to go, but this should help.” Cas mumbles, touching his finger to your temple. And like the curtain on opening night, the brain fog is gone. You remember it all, every hunt, every long night, every kiss.

You look at Cas, who gives you a small smile; the woman staring back at him is once again the one he’ll remember long after she’s in heaven.

“I couldn’t do what he asked. Not completely. We need you.” Cas gives you a kiss on the forehead and disappears. They need me? Does that...

“Well, I guess I’ll be in the dog house with my sons.” She shrugs, getting out of the car and walking into the Bunker. Sons… plural, Sammy and...

“Mom? Back already?” Sam calls out from the library.

“Yep. And I found someone along the way.” She says, sitting next to Sam.

“Who could you find out on a hunt?” Dean shouts from the kitchen.

Dean...

You can hear the sound of sizzling, the smell of bacon hitting your nose. He’s cooking, it almost feels like you’ve just been on a work trip and he’s about to bring out a home cooked five course meal. You walk around the corner as Mary gestures to the doorway. Sam turns around and nearly tips out of his chair, scrambling down the stairs and scoops you into the biggest hug, twirling you off the ground.

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry-“

“Don’t Sammy. It’s not your fault.” You squeeze him a little tighter, hoping you could just stay in this hug forever.

“So who did you find?” Dean asks again, frowning at Sam’s turned back.

Sam unwraps himself from you, giving you a silent look to make sure you’re ready. And despite how your ragged heart is pounding, you nod. He steps aside, bracing for Dean’s wrath.

Dean freezes, his beer crashing to the floor. You can’t be here. Cas wiped your memory. He promised on the last day that you would be safe.

Sam and Mary look back and forth between you two, waiting for someone to do something. Sam gently pushes Dean’s shoulder and he catapults to you, his mouth immediately finding yours.

Your legs instantly turn to jelly, your arms wrapping around his neck and he presses your body into his. He moves his mouth away, his eyes searching for answers in yours.

“How?” He whispers.

“Isn’t that supposed to be my question?”

_______

Your head hasn’t stopped spinning since Cas put it back together. It’s not that you don’t understand why Dean asked, it’s that it felt like the only solution he would pick.

You move from your easel, which still holds a half done painting that you’ve been staring at all evening, and wrap your arms around Dean. He and Sam are trying to find Lucifer, but so far they’ve got nothing.

“Can I take Baby out?” You ask. You hear Sam’s typing slow down, but you keep your eyes trained on Deans screen.

“Everything ok?” He whispers, turning his head toward you.

“Ya, just need to think.” You squeeze him.

He nods, handing you his keys. He watches as you gather your things. You look fine, you’ve been a little on the quiet side, which happens every now and then. The fact you’ve kept your hands to yourself is a bit odd; you both are normally glued to each other after any amount of time apart. He watches you reach for his flannel that’s on the arm of the couch, stopping short, deciding against it and quickly walking out the door.

“You two ok?” Sam asks after a moment.

“I thought so.” Dean sighs. Maybe he’s finally done it, he’s pushed you hard enough that you might be done. He turns back to his laptop, perusing various articles that could point to a lucifer sighting.

Sam stares at the door, waiting to see if you’ll come back for Dean’s shirt. Or come back in and ask them What the hell are you two waiting for? Get in the damn car! But you don’t. And the dread from the day you disappeared is back.

“Why did you ask Cas to erase her?” Sam fiddles with corners of the book he had been trying to read.

“She needed to be safe.” Dean automatically answers.

“She’s more safe here then out there.” Sam mumbles.

“I wanted-“

“That’s the problem Dean! What you wanted? What about what the rest of us wanted?” Sam slams his fist into the table, earning a glare from his brother. “I love her too. She’s my sister, the last bit of family I would have left if you had died.”

“And you want to leave her in the living nightmare we call our lives? If I don’t watch both your asses every day you’d both be dead!” Dean shouts, leaning across the table.

“You’re the one who’s worried about leaving me alone! If you quit pushin’ (Y/N) away neither of us would have to worry about leaving the other alone!” Sam stands, leaning nose to nose with his brother.

“And what about when we leave her Sam? What about when a monster finally gets us and she’s left alone?” Dean swallows hard, it’s a situation he wants to ignore, but no matter how good everything is, it’s one that always creeps back into his mind.

“What?” Sam gasps.

“What happens to her when we die? Who will protect her?”

“Cas. Garth. Jodi. Any of her friends from back home.” Sam replies. Is that seriously what Dean is worried about?

“And all that pain she’ll feel when we die? Sam, it took her months to stop crying about her dog!”

“She loved that dog more than both of us put together.” Sam jokes, but neither of them laugh.

“I had a chance to make sure she wouldn’t suffer and I took it. Shame on you that you would rather let her shatter into a thousand pieces.” Dean stomps to the couch, ripping his flannel off the armrest.

“She’s not like Dad.” Sam whispers to Dean’s back.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“She wouldn’t stay broken. Her friends, her family, would put her back together. She has people who have lost their husbands and have found the strength to live on. They would help her do the same if it ever came to it.” He gently places a hand on his brother's shoulder.

“I love her so much Sammy.” He whispers back.

“I know, but even Chuck said he could have never planned a love like you two have. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have to fight to keep it.”

_______

You didn’t have a destination in mind when you hit the road. You just needed to sort your head out. The clashing of memories much like the rain on the windshield, steadily beating on your brain and rolling right off.

A life without Dean. Your Dean, not the one who lived in the pages of a book. No ghosts, vampires, long road trips, passionate kisses or the wedding of your dreams. It would only live in your imagination and nothing more. Would you be ok with that? Ok with letting all that go just to not feel the pain of losing him?

A knock on the window scares the shit out of you. You shine your flashlight to see “Mary?”

She smiles, waving. You lean over and unlock the passenger side and she quickly slides in.

“What are you doing here?” She asks.

“What are you doing in Kansas?” you retort.

“I had to come see it.” She gestures to the house. You frown, why would she want to see a house?

“It’s our house.” She sighs.

“The one you died in?” You blurt.

“Yep. It was our dream house. Perfect for our little family of four.” You both sit in silence, the patter of rain mixing with your quiet breaths.

“If you had the choice to start over with no memories, right at this moment, would you?” You ask.

“Would you?”

You inhale and realize you don’t know the answer anymore.

Tag list:

@deansqtpie

@supraveng

@winchestersgirl222

@fantasy-myth1

@laycblack

@urgirlarrielle

@akshi8278

@arctusluna

@malindacath

@lyarr24

@flamencodiva

[sunflowerim]

I LOVE YOU 3000!

-PART 40

Weekend 7

Harry reached sharply at 8 and was warmly greeted by Lux who couldn't stop smiling. Theo was playing with Cliff and upon seeing Harry, both of them ran to him at once.

"Will Cliff be joining us?" Harry asked, scratching Clifford behind the ears.

"No," replied Theo sadly, "he is not allowed, so we're dropping him at the dog sitters place."

"Aww Cliffy we'll miss you,'' Harry patted Clifford before looking around for Louis.

Louis emerged right then from the room wearing an unbuttoned sap green shirt over a plain white tee, sunglasses hooked in the t-shirt, chocolate brown fringe falling over his eyes. He looked beautiful.

Louis caught him staring but was awestruck himself to do anything about it. Harry stood in front of him wearing a pink shirt with white polka dots, buttons half undone (as always) and sunglasses atop his head, tangled in his curls.

They stared at each other without even moving a muscle when Theo and Lux started aggressively tugging Louis, breaking the moment.

"C'mon uncle Lou, let's goooooo."

"We're getting LATE!"

Within fifteen minutes, all of them were seated in Louis' car driving to the dog sitters house. The car speaker was playing 'Do you wanna build a snowman' on Theo's insistence and after dropping Clifford, they were driving off to the wonders that awaited them.

Harry waited with the kids as Louis went ahead to buy the tickets. Once they got the tickets, they stood with a group and a tour guide greeted them.

"Hello and welcome to the Warner Bros Studios- the making of Harry Potter. I'm gonna walk you through the sets and--"

Harry was distracted by Louis practically bobbing with excitement next to him. Soon the guide led them into the studio and they stood in a wide hall, at the centre of which a statue of the Gringott's dragon was suspended.

People around them were buzzing around and clicking pictures. Even Louis took out his phone and with great concentration took a picture if the dragon. From there, they were led to a set up of the inside of privet drive and the cupboard under the stairs.

"Oh my god, Theo look Harry's room," Lux pulled Theo out of the crowd to show him what she'd seen.

Next they went inside the great hall where and it was magnificent. Harry had seen the Harry Potter movies, but wasn't that deeply invested in them. But Louis. Let's just say Harry had come to visit the place with three kids and not two. Louis couldn't contain his excitement at all. He took in everything with eager eyes, took pictures randomly and every now and then Harry could hear him murmur "wish I was a wizard."

Slowly they walked through a lot more sets each as exciting as the last one. From the Gryffindor common room, boys dorm, Hagrid's hut, potions & herbology classroom, leaky cauldron, to the various shops of Diagon Alley, each captured the attention of the crowd and made everyone's jaw drop. They had a difficult time in the forbidden forest, where huge spiders kept appearing every now and then, scaring Theo and Lux, and Louis had to keep explaining that those weren't real.

There was a particular emotional moment when Louis was brought to tears by a stuffed werewolf because it reminded him of Remus Lupin. Both Lux and Theo, along with Harry had to console him afterwards. He had barely recovered when they were faced with a abstract statue of Sirius Black and Louis was sad again.

Soon it was time for lunch and they found some nice seats in the in-studio restaurant and ate to their fullest. Louis and Harry even tried butterbeer and Louis declared this should be available at all regular clubs too.

After lunch, they were led towards the Hogwarts Express and Harry took pictures of Lux, Theo and Louis one by one in front of the 9¾ platform. In another section, tourists could dress up in Hogwarts robes and sit on a broomstick and record videos and of course all three of them did.

All of them were amazed at the props section. Each and every prop used in the movies was placed in glass boxes and they looked so realistic, it'd make one think that they were actually in the wizarding world.

Walking around the wizarding world set up they didn't even notice the time and soon it was almost evening.

The tour was almost over and their last stop was the merch shop. Upon entering the merch shop, nobody moved for a few seconds. They were taken aback by the variety of items that had been stacked up for sale. Louis bought Lux and Theo a wand each and they couldn't stop waving it around even for a second. He himself wanted to buy a Gryffindor quidditch costume, which earned a tease from Harry,

"Fancy seeing you go to work in these."

"Don't be silly Harry, it's for Halloween."

At the end he settled for a Gryffindor t-shirt and bought robes for the twins instead. Hufflepuff for Theo and Gryffindor for Lux.

Louis even made Harry take the Sorting Hat quiz right there, so he could buy him something. Hufflepuff.

"Yay, Harry you're with me," said Theo running to hug him.

Harry wouldn't buy a robe so Louis got him a t-shirt too.

They also bought a Hogwarts poster for the twins' bedroom at Louis' (because their mum wouldn't let them put up so many posters in the room in their own house and well Louis is the cool uncle so he'll obviously buy it for them).

On their way out they bought loads of chocolates and in his excitement, Louis didn't notice that Harry was lingering a little longer at the payment desk.

It was a wholesome day and it left them exhausted but happy.

After exiting the studio, Louis drove them to his favourite restaurant for dinner. The twins were staying with them tonight and had insisted Harry stay back too. Harry readily agreed and Louis was the happiest.

Theo had fallen asleep in Harry's lap and Lux in Louis' and the two of them slowly climbed the stairs to the apartment carrying the kids in their arms.

After reaching the apartment, Louis woke them up for a while to brush their teeth while Harry got them ready for bed. As Harry and Louis tucked them in their bed, they both said their goodnights in sleepy murmurs.

Harry was feeling tired too and went to the guest room (which had begun to look like his room) after wishing Louis goodnight.

As Harry settled in the bed, he took out his phone, deciding to post some pictures.

As he finished posting some pictures, he noticed that Louis had put up some stories on Instagram too. He was amused by the excitement which was radiating off of Louis' stories. He really was a kid at heart.

Harry was about to keep his phone down and go to sleep when he noticed that Louis had posted a picture. He quickly scrolled up and when he saw what Louis had posted, his breath hitched.

Harry will never know what possessed him at that moment that he jumped out of bed and pulled the blue wrapped packet from under the bed, deciding to go to Louis' room at once. He grabbed a clean t-shirt (which belonged to Louis) from the bedside drawer and at once made his way across to Louis' door. Clutching the packet tightly in one hand, he softly knocked.

Harry waited for about 2 seconds before the door was opened by Louis, still shirtless.

"What happened Harry? Did you need something?" Louis asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

"No, --um yeah, I mean- I wanted to give you something," Harry replied waving the packet slightly.

"Oh come in."

They made their way to the bed when Louis seemed to remember he wasn't wearing a shirt and quickly dived into the drawers for one. Harry's brows furrowed in frustration when he saw Louis putting on a black tank top and coming over to sit next to him.

"What did you get me?"

"See for yourself," Harry said handing the packet to Louis.

"You didn't have to," Louis continued, carefully opening the packet, "When did you even--"

Louis paused midway, opening the box in the packet, gaping at the content inside. "Harry, you-- I-- you- thanks wow, I mean- how did you-", he tried forming a coherent sentence while picking up the carved wooden wand from the box.

Harry chuckled quietly, "I saw how intently you were learning the wand choreography. It's only fair that you have one too."

Louis flung himself on Harry, knocking the breath out of his lungs, "thank you so much, I love this."

Harry hugged him back tightly, trying to steal as much warmth as he could before he had to let go.

Louis let go after a few seconds, face flushed and went back to examining the wand. Harry watched Louis' eyes sparkle as he held out his wand and tried out some moves. Louis couldn't stopped smiling and that made Harry's insides flutter.

After a while, Harry decided it best to leave, "So I'll leave you to your devices. Goodnight."

Harry got up to leave but was stopped by Louis tugging the hem of his t-shirt.

"You could stay if you want," Louis said, ducking his head down.

"Here?" Harry asked, unsure, not letting his hopes get the better of him.

"Here," Louis replied looking up, holding Harry's gaze.

"Um okay."

Harry sat back on the bed as Louis shifted around to remove his clothes from the bed. Harry moved back in the bed and leaned against the headboard. Louis joined him soon and for a few moments both were quiet, not knowing what to say. The silence wasn't uncomfortable though.

Louis had kept the windows open which let in the cool summer breeze and Harry felt at peace listening to the sound of crickets with Louis beside him.

Louis started first-

"I saw that you posted a picture of me from your main."

"Yes."

"Wouldn't that be a problem?"

"Why? I can hang out with my friends."

Friends

Harry quickly tried to correct himself after seeing the look on Louis' face, "Not that I consider you one-- I mean-- yes I do, but not in that way, you know-- I mean-"

"It's okay Harry. I know," Louis replied, relaxing once again and slowly sliding down the bed, lying flat on his back.

Harry watched him as the moonlight settled on the curves of his face, and watched as his eyelids fluttered slowly, the moonlight dancing in the shadows of his eyelashes.

Harry tangled his fingers with Louis' half afraid that Louis would remove his hand but Louis just tightened the grip.

"Thanks for today," Harry hummed so slowly, that Louis missed him.

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for today," Harry said, a little louder this time, "for everything actually."

Louis craned his neck upward to look at Harry's face and said, "Someone's being sappy today."

Harry smiled and slid down himself, propped himself on his left elbow, head resting on his hand and looked down at Louis. "Well you make me one."

"You make me one too."

If Harry could choose one moment to relive over and over again, it would probably be this, him lying beside Louis, their fingers intertwined and his face hovering inches above Louis'.

They gazed at each and even in the dim moonlight that had filtered in the room, they could see every inch of each others face clearly and suddenly without a warning Harry leaned in and kissed Louis.

Louis' brain short circuited and he froze for a second before giving in. Harry astounded by his own courage didn't waste time in climbing on top of Louis and taking his breath away.

Harry could feel the butterfly convention in his stomach going feral.

Louis let out a nervous laugh when they stopped to catch their breaths. Harry's curls were all over his face and Louis brought his hand up tuck the wild curls behind his ears.

"Harry are you sure?" he managed between ragged breaths.

"Yes," Harry replied, his voice strained.

"But-" Louis stopped, not knowing how to say it.

"Oh god," Harry groaned, "you're gonna make me say it aren't you? Yes Louis Tomlinson, I want this, if it wasn't clear enough. Just that-" he paused, "you're the first-"

"-bloke you're snogging?" Louis completed with an all knowing smile.

"I would have framed it better, but I guess that works too."

With that Harry closed the gap between them again, hands fiddling with the fabric of Louis' shirt which he managed to pull off in a few minutes.

"Shouldn't have put it on," Harry murmured in between their kisses.

Louis tangled his hands in Harry's hair and tugged at it in response.

"I love seeing you in my shirt," Louis said, rolling them over, settling on top of Harry, legs straddling Harry's hips, "but right now, I'd like for it to disappear."

Louis grabbed his wand from the bedside table and pointing it down at Harry, said "Evanesco!"

Harry watched in amusement as the boy above him, held a wand out and incanted a vanishing spell in the middle of a heated moment. Trust Louis to be dramatic. Louis' eyes glistened in the dim light and Harry obliged instantly. Louis leaned in on Harry and they got into their rhythm again, slowly discovering every inch of each other's skin, neither willing to let go.

--

When Harry woke next morning, he pleased to find himself on top of Louis' chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of Louis' belly underneath his hand. He slowly got up, careful not to wake Louis up and got off the bed, planting a kiss on Louis' forehead and made for the bathroom. He quickly freshened up, and returned to the room, to find Louis sitting up, with his back facing the window, sunlight slipping in through the curtains and illuminating his back. Louis smiled sleepily and beckoned Harry to come over. Harry started making his way over to him but suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"Stay here, don't move, I'll be back."

He dashed out of Louis' room and into the guest room and returned a minute later with his phone.

"Can I take a picture?"

"What?" Louis laughed in disbelief. "You can't be serious, I'm in my boxers."

"That won't matter. You look beautiful."

A slow blush spread across Louis' face and Harry took that as a cue to move forward. He stood at the end of the bed on Louis' right side and with great concentration took a picture.

"Let me have a look" Louis asked.

"Nuh, uh. You'll see when it's time."

Louis pouted his lips in faux sadness which earned a kiss from Harry.

"Now freshen up, the twins will be up anytime soon."

Inside the shower, Louis couldn't stop thinking about last night. He could feel a stupid grin spread on his face everytime he thought about Harry.

God. He might be in love.

Louis emerged into the drawing room and an amazing smell of pancakes wafted into his nose.

"Hey how'd you know?" Louis asked, making his way over to the kitchen and climbing on top of the kitchen counter.

"Huh? --oh this? Lux told me. Pancakes. Household favourite."

"You're spoiling them."

"You're one to talk," Harry raised an eyebrow at Louis and had to force his thoughts from wanting to kiss Harry again to the delicious pancakes being cooked.

The twins absolutely adored Harry and wouldn't let him leave even after breakfast. Lot's of negotiations and promises later, they finally agreed to let Harry leave. Louis walked him to the door and as Harry was leaving, he reached out and held his hand.

"Um, you do realise that we've watched 21 out of 22 movies and it's just week 7?"

"So what? If you thought you'll get rid of me after a few calculated weeks, you're wrong mister. I think we established that already."

"Yeah, I was just checking if it stands," Louis replied sheepishly.

"After yesterday, you don't have to worry," Harry said, moving closer and pressing a chaste kiss on Louis' lips.

And he was off.

Louis would have stood in the doorway for a little longer if the sound of giggles behind him didn't break his train of thoughts.

Lux and Theo were peering around from the couch and had apparently witnessed the display of affection.

"Are you going to marry him uncle Lou?" Theo asked, his expressions a mix of glee and confusion.

"No Theo, put your mind to rest," Louis ruffled Theo's hair.

"Do you love him? Like mommy and daddy?"

Louis smiled at that, "I don't know Lux, maybe ask Harry, next time you see him."

Lux beamed at that and soon Louis was getting the twins ready to be picked up by their mum.

Louis' sister actually stayed for an hour and they talked about all sorts if stuff, catching up on things they'd missed in each other's lives. Louis thought for a moment of he should tell her about Harry but then decided against it. It was too soon.

No sooner had all of them left, when Louis got a notification of a new post from Harry's private instagram. He quickly opened it and what he saw took his breath away again. Harry seemed to be doing that quite often.

Harry Styles was going to be the death of him.

-----

Note : first of all I'm so sorry for the late update, my college schedule is all packed up ugh -_- Secondly I've never been to Warner Bros Studios myself, so excuse the narration!

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INTRO